I can’t
believe I have to go back in two days. There wasn’t enough time. Two weeks is
just too short of a leave – I’ve only seen her three times. Once leaving school
when I hid in the back of the parking lot. Once she and her mother were packing
up to go to Pennsylvania for Christmas; and yesterday she was sitting out on
her dock. I was across the river hiding behind a boat just to gaze at her. I
feel like such a stalker but my heart aches for her. I haven’t felt whole since
I left for basic training.
Now in just two short days I have to report to my Special
Forces team. The casualty rate is fifty-nine percent so my odds of making it
out in one piece aren’t in my favor. We’re going to the wilds of Afghanistan
into the heart of Taliban territory. Along with normal patrols, my team could
be called at any time to take out confirmed cells.
Looking into the mirror I finish brushing my teeth. I look
much different than when I left eighteen months ago. Gone is the shaggy hair
Lisa loved to jerk on while we kissed, now it’s barely more than stubble on my
head. I grew two inches and put on thirty pounds of muscle. That’s what happens
when you carry seventy-five pounds of gear for ten hours a day. I wonder what
she will think when she sees me.
I can’t say I am sorry for leaving this town, that would be
a lie. The Army has given my life purpose. Before enlisting the best I could
have hoped for was being a plumber or electrician’s assistant until I could get
a license. Now when I finally get out of the Army I can get a private security
job. Hell, I could even qualify for Secret Service. I might even become a cop.
A cop’s salary isn’t even close to what Lisa’s father makes but it’s nothing to
sneeze at and it’s an honorable career. Much better than the minimum paying
factory job that her father said I would end up in.
I shake my head. There is no use thinking about a future
that is over two years away. I have thirty-two months left before I can plan a
future, that’s if I make it back alive. But tonight I have to see her one more
time. I am hoping she will talk to me; she was pretty mad when I left. I had to
break up with her; it wasn’t fair to ask Lisa to wait. At sixteen you shouldn’t
be tied down to an absent boyfriend.
I hear the music as I walk out my door. Joe’s house is just
four away from mine and all the neighbors know by now that this party happens
each year. As long as the kids stay inside or in his backyard, no one will call
the cops to break it up. My heart rate climbs as I get closer to the door. The
front door is open and I can see the crowd through the storm door. Patty and
April are just inside so I know I won’t be getting in unnoticed. Taking a deep
breath I open the door, “Holy shit!” Patty screeches, “Bobby Harber, where the
hell did you come from?” She closes her arms around me. Patty lives across the
street from me and we’ve been friends all my life. She is one of the only ones
that know how hard I had it growing up. “I’ve missed you,” she whispers in my
ear as she hugs me close.
“I missed you too, Red,” I tell her using my childhood name
for her. “I’m sorry I don’t write more.” She is the only one I write to now.
Well the only one that gets sent the letters I write, I have hundreds written
to Lisa stashed away and never posted.
Patty’s arm gets ripped away from me, “Don’t be hogging him
all to yourself, you bitch,” April says stepping into my arms. “Damn Bobby, you
look good enough to eat,” she laughs while leaning back looking me up and down.
April’s always been a flirt but she wouldn’t leave Greg for anything. “She’s in
the kitchen, last I saw her,” April winks at me, “Go get your girl.”
The best and worst part of our group is there are no
secrets. My being here for just the party is an illusion that won’t last long
to the friends who know me. I turn towards the kitchen, “I’ll see you both
later,” but I don’t really mean it.
“Just as long as you’re here tomorrow for clean-up crew,”
Patty yells after me. New Year’s Day always starts with cleaning Joe’s house
before we sit, eating and drinking leftovers while watching the games on TV. It
will feel good to do something so normal so I turn and give her a thumbs up. I
receive greetings from everyone on my way back to the kitchen, they all comment
on how I’ve gotten bigger and how happy they are I’m back in one piece. I scan
the kitchen when I enter, there are a bunch of guys sitting at the table
probably going to start a game of quarters, I wave at them but I’m not here for
drinking games. I’m surprised to see Brad here, he never really hung around our
group but if I know him he’s still sniffing around Lisa. He always rubbed me
the wrong way, I know he wants her but she only feels friendship towards him.
Lisa’s not in here so I grab a beer and make my way into the family room where
Joe sets up the dance floor.
Joe is standing to the right of the doorway and I bump my
shoulder into him as I search the room for Lisa. I find her just as Joe shakes
my hand, “I wasn’t expecting to see you,” he says patting my back.
“Where else would I be tonight?” I joke back, my eyes never
leaving Lisa. She spots me and stops, her caramel eyes widen and I read so many
emotions there; surprise, hurt, want, love – that surprises me, I thought she
would hate me by now. I know Joe is saying something to me but I’m totally
ensnared by Lisa; she’s changed too. Her hair cascades around her with curls
and I want to bury my hands and face in it. She’s wearing a cute jeans skirt
that shows off her long legs which I want wrapped around me, how many times
have I dreamed about the silky feel of them? Her blouse is almost see through
and the silhouette of her bra teases my eyes, making me ache to taste her
nipples again. I’m getting hard and I haven’t even gotten close to her yet.
Her eyes break contact with me when someone bumps into her
and she turns away threading through the group dancing to Gimme More by Britney
Spears. I start to chase after her but Joe restrains me with a hand, “She’s had
a hard time moving on, Bobby. Be gentle with her.” I nod acknowledging the
statement but it doesn’t stop me, I physically need to hold her. I follow her
and see she’s talking to Debbie; I’ll be hearing from Jimmy about this, I
promised him I wouldn’t get anywhere near Lisa but I can’t help myself. I step
closer to her and turn her around running my hands down her arms, “Hey
beautiful,” I say as I try to draw her into my arms.
She pushes against my chest, “Really Bobby, you just show up
here and expect me to just fall into your arms? Sixteen months and not a word.
Not even a letter, email, or a damn phone call!”
Stopping her from pulling away I stammer, “I missed you,
baby. I just couldn’t be where I was and think about you too.” I pull her into
me and lay my cheek against her head. “Please, baby, just let me hold you. I
couldn’t stay away from you anymore. I only have two more days before I have to
leave again and I want to spend them with you. Let me hold you and just talk to
you. I miss your voice and the feel of you in my arms.” Her smell envelopes me
and I feel like I’m home.
She’s tense for a few seconds then her arms go around my
waist and she presses her whole body against me, “I missed you too.”
I pull away so I can see her face and the tears streaking
down her beautiful face kill me. “Don’t cry, baby. I can’t stand it when you
cry.” I lower my head to her and ghost my lips against hers. I want to devour
her but I need to let her take the lead. She gasps and opens to me and I plunge
my tongue in to taste her; beer and mint mix with her unique flavor and my body
reacts to the one person who has the power to affect my soul. My heart beats
wildly in my chest and my dick fills to the point of pain. I tilt her head to
give me better access and the whole room fades into the background. I suck on
her lower lip and she moans into my mouth as I bury my hands in her hair. She runs
her hands over my chest and I can’t help it as my hand moves to her ass and I
grind against her.
My mouth leaves hers and I make my way to her ear, “I need
to be alone with you, baby,” I whisper. “Let’s get out of here. My house is so
close and there’s no one home.” I pull away and take her hand, “Will you come
with me?”
She nods her head, “I have to tell Jodi though. I’m her
ride.”
I look around and Debbie is still standing there, her eyes
like daggers, “Hey Debbie, Lisa and I are going to my house to talk. Can you
tell Jodi when you see her?”
Debbie looks at Lisa, “Lisa, you are okay with this?”
Lisa glances back at me with glistening eyes, “Yeah Deb, I
won’t be too long. We’ll be at his house. If we’re not back by midnight send
one of the guys down to get us.”
Debbie nods and says, “Okay, I hope you know what you’re
doing.”
I don’t wait for Lisa to re-think about what’s happening, I
grab her hand and drag her behind me to the door. She gasps when the cold air
hits her, I should have let her get her coat but stopping now is not an option.
I yank her closer to me, surrounding her with my heat as we make our way to my
house. I slam the door open and it tries to close on us but I haul her through
the opening then press her against it, “Oh God, baby, I’ve missed you so much,”
I say lowering my mouth to hers again. My hands on her cheeks holding her in
place for my assault, grinding my cock into her, “You are more beautiful than I
remember. I just want to be inside of you,” my body is on fire for her.
I pick her up and her legs wrap around me just like I
fantasized about before. I want to hold her to me forever but I lower her onto
the couch, following her down, bracing myself above her. I look at her below me
and think how lucky I am that she didn’t reject me. I wouldn’t have blamed her
and I feel like shit that I’m leaving again in two days and don’t have the
strength to leave her alone. Her heart is in her eyes and I wonder if she can
see the love I hold for only her reflected in my eyes. I can’t stop myself from
touching I ease her shirt over her head then take her mouth again before making
my way down her throat, over the pulse racing there, along her collarbone as I
push the cups of her bra down to release those perfect breasts. I suckle her
nipple and my cock jerks in my pants, “I missed the taste of you, baby, no one
tastes like you. You are perfect.” I unclasp her bra and pull it off as her
breath starts coming in gasps. I’ve made her come with my fingers and mouth but
tonight I need to be inside her when she comes. My hand moves down her side and
she shivers underneath me, god I love how responsive she is to me. It kills me
that I wasn’t her first but I couldn’t take her virginity and leave, what kind
of douchebag would that have made me. I drop my hand to her thigh and push up
her skirt, her panties are drenched and I can smell her arousal. “God you are
so wet for me, baby. I am going to make you come so hard,” I press the palm of
my hand against the wet silk. “I need to taste you, baby. I missed having my
tongue in you. “
I pull her skirt and panties off she spreads her legs for me
and my heart misses a beat, “I almost forgot how beautiful you were.” I lower
my head and inhale her scent, so unique to her. I part her folds with my
fingers and lave her with my tongue in one long swipe. She arches her back,
nearly pushing us both off the couch. I capture her leg and throw it over my
shoulder and attack. I suck, lick and nibble on her clit as I ease a finger
into her. She calls out my name and I almost come in my pants.
“God you are still so tight, baby. I still wish I was your
first,” I confess to her.
“You will be Bobby. Steve and I never got this far,” she
says. And just like that it’s like someone threw a bucket of ice water on me. I
can’t take her virginity. I’m not asshole enough to make her a hook-up. I stop
and look at her, “What do you mean? You guys were together for almost a year.”
I don’t understand.
“He wasn't you. It has always been you, Bobby.”
I sit up. “I can’t be your first, Lisa. I am leaving in two
days. I won’t do that to you.”
“But you are the only one I want, Bobby,” Lisa cries.
“Please, I want you so much.”
God I want her so much but I can’t, won’t be that guy, “Get
dressed, Lisa, we’re going back to the party.” I stand and hold my hand out to
her.
“Fuck you asshole! You think you can come back and I won’t
be a virgin anymore so it would be ok to fuck me and leave me? That’s why you
came back isn't it? You’re an asshole!” I wince at her words but as much as I
want her it wouldn't be right. I've probably just blown any chance at ever
having a life with her and my heart is breaking.
Lisa grabs her clothes and gets dressed then stomps to the
door. I follow her wanting to be near her even if she hates me.
“Just where do you think you’re going? You need to stay
here. You've already fucked up my night. The least you could do is let me try
to salvage my New Year’s.”
“I just want to make sure you get back okay,” I whisper.
There are tears on her cheeks again and I put them there.
“It’s four houses, Bobby. I will be fine but you will always
be an asshole.” She turns and walks away from me and I let her. Leaning against
the door frame I can’t believe this night ended any hope I held of future
happiness. My heart just left and I’m never getting it back.
Book Synopsis
AUTHOR BIO
