Happy Birthday, Connor

Five years ago I gave birth to a preemie. He weighed 14oz. The little guy fought a good fight for 6 days, but was plagued by too many issues. We decided (at the doctor's suggestion) to take him off his oxygen.
For anyone who has lost a child you know the pain. Connor was the second person I sat with while taking their final breath. While I know it was for the best, it was the toughest thing I've done to date.
We later found out just how serious his issues were and know he never would've had any quality of life.

Today I want to wish my son a happy birthday. I love and miss him every day.

30 years gone

30 years ago I was getting ready for school when I called home to talk to my mom. I was staying with a friend to finish high school. It was almost Christmas break and I was making plans to come home for the holiday's.
My step-father answered and aburptly told me my uncle died. (he had no class or tact)...imagine being 16 and hearing your favorite uncle was dead. Needless to say I was shocked.
When the details came out I learned he was killed by a drunk driver. My uncle was only 30yrs old. He was always there for me and then he was gone.
I've never forgotten that day and I always think about Donny. I love and miss him even 30 years later.

Writer's Block or Burnout?

In 2010 I belonged to the book a month club. What’s that you ask? It’s where I wrote a 25k book every month and submitted them to my former editor. Let’s just say 2010 was good and bad. I was fully engulfed in grief after the loss of our son. I poured my grief into my books. Needless to say I was very productive.

As 2011 came along I started feeling a little better. My grief was there but I didn’t need an outlet for it. I had learned to deal with it. Then I became pregnant with our daughter. I wrote what I could because I knew time would be scarce once she arrived.

I continued to write, but now I was produced three books averaging about 30k. Then one day I sat to write and I couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t flow. I had published almost 20 books in a few short years. I tried and tried to no avail.

Instead of trying to force it I gave up. I thought I’d never write again. For so long I’d been able to write a book, edit, and submit, turn around and start a new one. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

During that time I read. I lived life. I forgot about writing. Then I sat down and wrote three more novellas. I thought I was back in my stride. Nope. Again the words weren’t coming. I was pushing myself too hard to be everything – mom, wife, writer, and full-time employee. I realized I was burnt out.

Something paid the price and it was my writing. Now I can see the signs. When I don’t want to sit and write because it feels more like a job than fun – it’s time to step back and smell the roses.

Now I take a break to read, get a massage or just live. It may take a few days or week, but I know I’ll return to writing. It’s in my blood. 

Rotten Football Hangover

Not from drinking...from bad games. It's a sad day in the Skyze home today. Both hubby and I watched our football team lose.

I won't watch the Superbowl...not even for the commercials. I'm not a Peyton fan. He reminds me of the munchins from Wizard of Oz and I find him arrogant.
After the post game interview Seattle has turned my stomach too.

There you have it...I'm going to lick my wounds. LOL

Actually I have to work one of the jobs today and hoping to get back to the contemporary after a week off.

Happy Monday!

The DH Wants to Write a Book

My hubby has been talking about writing a book for the last year. I “think” he gets that it’s a lot of work. He’s seen the struggles I go through. He’s read my almost all of my work. I say almost, because he refuses to read any m/m.
And he doesn’t plan to write fiction.
I keep encouraging him to GO FOR IT.
There are many reasons I believe he should write this book. One, it will be therapy for him. Two, he has a knack for writing non-fiction. He writes clean, intelligent and thought-provoking material.
So what subject does he want to write about – LOSS. He felt cheated when we lost our son. Things that we weren’t prepared for and most other wouldn’t be. Questions that should’ve been asked. Information that should’ve been shared. He wants to write a book to help others who have gone through or will go through what we experienced.
Personally I hope he writes it. I’m not sure if it will ever see the publishing light and that doesn’t really matter. What matters is he gets to write HIS story, from HIS heart, because he needs to heal.
Hopefully someday he’ll sit down and write that book.
Happy Thursday!