Giving Thanks

I'm very thankful to all my readers, family and friends. Without you I wouldn't get to enjoy this roller coaster adventure. :)
Blessings to you and your loved ones.

If I were to take up drinking…

It would be now. Life has been an emotional roller coaster since April. Our sweet loving daughter turned into someone we don’t know two days before her 16^th birthday. An incident occurred and thankfully it won’t ever go on her record. This incident seemed to be the beginning of a downward spiral. To say that I’ve been stressed is an understatement.

I’ve considered having a drink or two, but it won’t help. Back when I was married to my ex, I clouded the hurt, pain and abuse in alcohol. Being buzzed helped to ease the pain…or so I thought. In all reality, I was hiding from reality.

With this child I need a clear head. She’s smart and conniving. You need to be one step ahead of her. She’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bi-polar. She was prescribed one med and she took it for one day, and then gave it up. She prefers smoking pot to ease the anxiety. She’s very honest about this to me and basically stated she’s not going to give it up.

Now, don’t give me hell for what I’m going to say, because no I don’t want her smoking pot, but I’m just glad it’s only that. My fear is this will be the gateway to bigger and more dangerous drugs. An officer told me about Molly, an ecstasy type drug that has become very popular with teens and high school kids.

The kids she hangs with are all drop outs, except one. My daughter is or was a straight A student.

Why tell you all this? Because I know I’m not the only person who has dealt with a teen like this. My other daughter, she pulled her stunts…she knew when to draw the line and she respected her parents. This one – not at all.

We’ve weight our options and let me tell you I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Our daughter doesn’t respect herself enough to respect others. But we’ve been thinking about one of those teen shock programs. We’ve talked to her psychiatrist and the director of the program. The therapist believes we should do whatever it takes. Life is crazy. There is no down time with this child. She’s volatile. Yet I love the shit out of her and wish I could wave a magic wand to fix her.

You see this child is very special to me…sure they all are, but L gave me a new lease on life. When she was born I found my self-esteem again. I grew strong. I learned to open my heart and love again. Yes, I loved my other two children and I still do. L showed me a new light. Because of her I found the strength and courage to leave her abusive father. I escaped.

So watching this child suffer and fall apart is sending me to an early grave. I try to be strong, but there are days when I’m tired of being strong. My husband and friends have been great through all this. Very supportive and helpful.

What doesn’t kill us, only makes us stronger…I sure hope that’s right.

I know this was a long winded blog, but this might explain why I haven’t been blogging much. It’s hard to write uplifting posts when all I want to do is lose myself in a bottle. Not to worry I won’t. J

Busy Weekend

The DH came home around 4 yesterday and I was in bed by 8pm.  It was so nice to get almost 7 hours sleep. I’m refreshed and ready to take on the day! Edits are on my to-do list.
My family will be arriving tomorrow. My mom, son, aunt and cousins will be coming to celebrate my grandson’s christening. I’m looking forward to seeing them all and showing off Teagan. She finally gets to meet her big brother after seven weeks.
Someone turned off the heat here in RI. The temps are around 48 degrees. Hello, the calendar still says SUMMER. I don’t like this colder weather, but nothing I can do.
Off to get some edits done before the house wakes up. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Off for the weekend!

Off to Salem MA this weekend, along with 250 other family members and the timing couldn’t be better. Last night the DH, my youngest and I were at Best Buy looking at netbooks (my b-day is this weekend and DH needed ideas.) :0) Anyway, so all of a sudden my left wrist started hurting like crazy. I did have pain in it earlier in the day, but nothing that made me stop or wince.
I felt around where the pain was and noticed a small lump…so because we’re going away the DH thought it was a good idea to have it checked out. Off to the walk-in clinic. 30 mins later they decided it was bruised. Now mind you she didn’t want to do an x-ray, probably because they were in a hurry to go home. She bandaged it and said if I have any issues over the next three days come back for an x-ray. Yeah, I’m not feeling the love from that clinic. I’ll go see another doctor. I’d go see mine, but he decided to move out of state, so I don’t have one at the moment.
She told me limited use for at least three days. Shhh, don’t tell her I’m typing this. lol The wrist still hurts like a SOB.
Nano isn’t going as good as I’d hoped but I plan to resume intense writing next week. I’d like to sneak some in over the weekend, but 5 of us are sharing a two bedroom suite. I don’t think they’ll appreciate me getting up at 4am to make coffee and type away. Hopefully the time away will replenish my creative well as it seems to have run dry at the moment.
If you’re not a newsletter subscriber I’m running two contests this month. One ends Nov 7th at midnight est, the other runs all month long. Great prizes. You can sign up on the left to find out how to win.
Happy Friday and have a Fun-filled weekend!

Contest Announce

And the winner is….Maria. I let the birthday girl pick a winner.

Please contact me at amberskyze AT aol (dot) com to claim your prize.

What a busy weekend. Saturday we celebrated the grand daughter’s 1st b-day and Sunday we celebrated my youngest 13th. Family came in from NY and they’re taking us to breakfast before they get on the road. I’m partied out and ready to get back to normal!

I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Added almost 5k to my current wip the last two days. Should finish it before the week is over. It will be nice to get it off my desk.

Off to breakfast and then relaxing the rest of the day!
Happy Monday!

Home for the Holiday

This time of the year, I always reflect on the things I’m grateful for. This year is no different. Had anyone told me five years ago that I’d be remarried, living three hours away from my family and expecting a child I’d have laughed in their face.
When I left my abusive ex, I swore off relationships. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t going to be celibate at the young age of 30, but I wasn’t going to live with another man either. I had it planned out perfectly. I’d have a lover or friend with benefits. Someone who lived in his own place and me in mine. I wouldn’t have the headaches of dealing with someone else (besides my children). Children were definitely out of the question. I had three – more than enough in my mind. I had them young and it was time to enjoy my life.
Not to sound like a bitch, but I broke up with a guy ten years my junior because I felt he was going to want more children in the future and I wasn’t going to be the one to give them to him. I also ended a few relationships because the guy wanted me to uproot my children and move twenty minutes from my home. Boy is doesn’t seem so far now! LOL
That all changed when I met my husband. I threw caution to the wind and moved three hours away from my family – for the virtually unknown. I had no friends in RI. I did manage to land a job before moving here, but that’s it. I uprooted my children to a strange new environment, leaving all their friends behind. It took a lot of adjusting and there were struggles along the way. My health took a turn for the worse due to stress. I spent five weeks in the hospital and they thought I was going to die, but they didn’t know me. I’d been through so much in my life I wasn’t going to let a disease like Crohn’s take my life. Shit, my ex could have killed me a few times.
Today as I sit here thinking back and I’m thankful we’re all healthy and happy. I couldn’t imagine my life any differently.
The DH and I are getting ready to leave for NY shortly. We’re spending the holiday with my family. That means three days of visiting. Not that I mind. I’ll spend some time with my dad. We’ll have dinner at my aunt’s with all my cousins and my mom. In the three days we’re there I have to squeeze in time to see a couple of my friends too.
It’s nice because a group of us usually do lunch on Wednesday. When I left NY five years ago I hadn’t realized just how hard it would be to get back home and see family and friends. It seems the only time I get back is for holidays or if it’s something special for my goddaughter and Mother’s Day.
That’s why this trip at Thanksgiving is that much more special. I’m thankful for the friends still in my life. The ones who didn’t abandon me because I moved one hundred seventy miles away. Some did, but I realize they weren’t true friends.
And lastly I’m thankful for all my online friends and fellow authors, who made achieving my dream of being a published writer that much better. I feel like the luckiest person alive.
Today I want to wish you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving!