Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Abuse - Domestic and Animal

I’ve mentioned in the past that I escaped an abusive marriage. The reality of abuse and how it can lead to death was brought back home recently. Here in RI there have been 3 domestic abuse deaths in 8 days. It is the holidays and stress is a leading factor in abuse escalating. One of the men who killed his significant other had a long history with the police. No matter how much you report the abuse if you don’t leave the abuser you risk death. I feel blessed to have escaped with my life. Believe me if I stayed there is a GREAT chance that I’d be dead by now. My ex was a secret abuser. He left marks where people couldn’t see them – most of the time. But I got good at making up stories when he left a visible mark. This wasn’t a smart idea.
Now I tell everyone. I’m not ashamed to have been abused. I did nothing wrong. I’m brutally honest with my girls. One of them witnessed what their father did and the other I left before she saw too much. Yet there are scary things she still remembers. I don’t ever want them to be hit by a man or woman.
Another thing that brought this subject to light for me was the Michael Vick story. I don’t usually post about controversially things, but this really bugs the crap out of me. I believe in second chances. Please don’t get me wrong. I believe people can change. He got a second chance with the NFL and appears to be doing well. When it comes to owning a dog again I draw the line. Yes, he spent time in prison. That doesn’t mean he’s reformed from training animals to fight. Did he get special counseling? Was he put in charge of animals and shown how to treat them with respect?
When I heard the President believed he deserved a second chance my first thought was WONDERFUL. Well, Mr. President, why don’t you give Mr. Vick YOUR dog. Let him take care of Bo. In my mind and this is only MY opinion, giving someone like Michael Vick another dog is like giving a recently released pedophile a child. You just don’t do it.
When it comes to people or animals getting abused I don’t believe in second chances. Sorry!
What's your opinion?


  1. Amber, I had no idea you escaped an abusive marriage. Good for you for standing up and giving yourself and your children a better life. Silence only aids the abuser. It's time men started being men - real men - who care for their families, who love their wives, treat them with respect and cherish their safety.

  2. I also left an abusive marriage, though the abuse I suffered was PRIMARILY emotional and mental and only a little physical. Any stressful situation will set off an abuser, from holidays to pregnancy to finances. And what a lot of people don't know is that people in military service are particularly prone to being abusers. Such things as life-threatening deployments and home stress and decompressing after arriving home from deployments are not addressed well enough by the military. In 2008, Camp Lejeune had many domestic violence incidents, primarily from marines returning home. My daughter just went through a divorce right after her husband returned from Afghanistan. He refused to seek counseling, and no amount of my daughter reporting his abuse and violence to his command did any good. In fact, it recently came to light that the commander she was trying to work with was, himself an abuser of his wife and kids. As for Michael Vick owning a dog, why does he want one would be my first question?

  3. I knew a lady once that was killed by an abusive boyfriend (imagine that over-tanned woman off There's Something about Mary). He locked her in her house for a few days, beating on her, peeing and pooping on her, you name it. She was still alive when the police found her but she died in the hospital. It was a big thing in the news in our area. Sad thing, I didn't even know it was the lady I'd worked with until a few years later when another ex-co-worker mentioned it. I just gasped with an That-was-HER? kind of reaction.

    I totally don't understand the mind-set of abusive people.

  4. There's a bunch of us who have escaped abusive marriages, Amber. It's way more common than people think. And it happens across the educational and socioeconomic spectrum.
    Michael Vick - I'm very glad he seems to have rehabilitated himself. He's playing a good game and his teammates and fans are very supportive. If he gets a dog, I suggest there be conditions attached, like weekly visits from animal control officers and required veterinary appointments. Some people don't realize the true extent of his cruelty to the fighting dogs he owned. Those dogs were treated in a horrific manner.

  5. Amber your story is heart wrenching and I'm so grateful you found the strength to to pick up your girls and escape.
    The Michael Vick story sickened me and it continues to get worst. Vick looks like a classic narcissist-he manipulates to get what he wants and has no conscious about who he is hurting. I was appalled he was given his high salary position back and set in front of children as a sport hero.
    He's being given all the rewards of good behavior without having to prove himself. In my view he should not be in the limelight. He used his money and fame to do horrible things. His rehabilitation should be more private and humble, this is a very bad public lesson to show the world.
    I would rather see the President call someone who truly has turned their lives around and truly is a rock their community, and praise them on Christmas.
    I'm not convinced Vick has reformed. He should cautiously be considered a work in progress not a success story.
    XXOO Kat

  6. I was married to a man that beat me for 15 years. Like yours he was smart, never leaving a mark anyone could see. That told me he could control himself if he chose too. To me a true out of control person doesn't have the mind thought to think about such things. He had me so beat down I was a totaly different person. I use to be a fun loving and open person but when he got done with me I was a mere shell of a person. All I thought about was when the next beating would happen. But one day I just decided enough is enough and while he was at work I grabbed my kids and what ever I could carry and left. I was terrified that he was going to catch up and find me. That would have been the worst thing that could have happened. And yes I do beilieve if I hadn't left he would have killed me some day. Now I suffer with back problems because he kicked me and slammed me into walls. To this day he says none of it ever happened. The crazy thing is my parents witnessed it. All I can say is get out. I know it is easier said that done but you deserve better. If you have to sneak out then do that but leave. It will be scary but let me tell you I am now married to the greatest man I have ever been bless to meet. There are nice guys out there that will treat you with respect and cherish you. Love shouldn't hurt!

  7. Amber,

    First, you have an amazing strength to be able to pick up and leave with your girls. You are a better person and a shining example to them. Your story is an inspiration.

    Second, Michael Vick is a topic very near and dear to my heart. I'm the mother to three wonderful four-legged children of the feline variety. To me I love those cats as if they were adopted human babies. The fact that Michael Vick can even want a dog nauseates me. There were over a hundred dogs involved in his ring that he was responsible for hurting and fighting. Some had to be put down because of their abuse, others were rehabilitated and found homes. In MY opinion, he should never ever be able to own any pet again. I have a blog that I haven't had much time to write on since I'm working on my first romance novel. But I did a couple of blog posts about Michael Vick when he came back to the NFL. Feel free to read them. I agree with you that giving him a dog is like giving a pedophile a foster child.

    To me an animal is a child, one that deserves unconditional love from a parent not abuse from a monster (but that's just MY opinion).